Thursday 9 February 2012

The journey continues

Having completed week 2 I am pleased to announce another 3 pounds off, that's 3/4 of a stone so far. As I reflect on the 2 weeks that I've supposedly been on a diet, it really doesn't feel like one, I find myself wondering why on earth I ever allowed myself to end up at this point. I don't overeat, not really, I have a large bone structure, that broken biscuit doesn't count, that extra slice of bread won't make any difference; the list goes on and on. Who was I trying to kid? Certainly not my husband or friends and family and certainly not myself if I'm truely honest. When you find yourself burying wrappers at the bottom of the bin then there really is something to worry about, I felt like an alcoholic hiding the bottles so no one would find them; I've come to realise that food is like an addiction, no different to alcoholism really, that's certainly how it feels to me. You see, I enjoy food - I like the way it tastes, I like that feeling of being full, I look forward to meal times and I love puddings and anything sweet, but unlike alcohol it's not something that you can give up completely and that is the crux of it - I was really scared of failing, it was just easier to carry on eating, and so the problem became self perpetuating - my 'catch 22'. So what made me finally realise that I really couldn't continue like this? The answer is fairly simple really - I hated what I had become. I was always self conscious especially at the Xmas parties where I would look at all the women in the room and think think that I was the fattest person there, which I probably was! And the feeling that my husband must be embarrassed or ashamed of the way I looked, though he never ever said anything and wouldn't, though I do know that he was and is concerned for my health. And finally, watching the biggest loser on tele and watching the reaction of the woman, not much older than me, or heavier for that matter, who was told that she had a life expectancy of just 15 years. Wow, that was a sobering thought, so much so that I went to Weight Watchers the very next week, and so here I am, 3/4 of a stone lighter and looking forward to meeting a much thinner me, eventually.

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